I don’t understand it. I did very well this week. Sure, I didn’t make any real progress, but I didn’t backtrack either, and with Thanksgiving happening that’s an accomplishment! But, what I’m not understanding, is the disappointment I’m still feeling. Although I know deep down that I actually did well this week, on the surface is this lingering twinge of disappointment and failure. It’s really eating me up and depressing me. I need to get over it. I think a big part of that feeling is that because of the success of last week I set my goals way too high for this week without taking into account the Thanksgiving challenge. I obviously fell short of those goals, but like I said, I didn’t fall back either. I’m just exactly where I was last week on all my status points. Big deal. I need to move on and concentrate on making this week awesome. I don’t think it’s helping that I’m completely broke right now, too, due to Christmas and present-buying. That never helps the morale. First thing on my agenda: get over it. Seriously. I’m over it. And no more sweet stuff!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
11/26
Last one and this goal is complete. I’m kind of sad to see it go. Since this entry is one day over a month, and in honor of Thanksgiving, I will make it different. This will be a list of 10 overall things I am grateful/thankful for:
1. My mom, my dad, and my sister.
2. Beautiful men (i.e. Paul Dano, Emile Hirsch, Ryan Gosling, the guy at the gym, etc)
3. Strong women
4. Chocolate and coffee
5. The freedom to live alone or together
6. Kissing a beautiful man
7. Dogs (especially Bassett Hounds) and Birds (especially Raptors)
8. Conor Oberst and his music (and his face)
9. Dresses, boots, tweed, flannel, saddle shoes, and skinny jeans.
10. Being.
How to list 10 Grateful Things everyday for a Month
"I learned a lot about myself and what I'm capable of."
How I did it: Had a little moleskine journal around with me and jotted down little slices of joy that happened throughout the day. Some days were easier than others. I also found that I started noticing more and more reasons to be grateful as this exercise went on. Things stopped getting me down so much because I realized all the other good stuff that was going on, too.
Lessons & tips: Try and write as you go. At the end of the day you may forget important things that happened.
Resources: Moleskine journal. 7th grade students. Gold's Gym. Chocolate, coffee, and television. Beautiful boys.
It took me 1 month.
It made me Uplifted 
11/25
Hmmmm…
1. DAY OFF!!!
2. Cleaned all day/played Mario Party 8. The best way to get any work done.
3. House is as clean as it was the day I moved in. God I love having time to just do what I want.
4. Bought the rest of my fixin’s for my solo Thanksgiving feast. Thank you Safeway for your single serving slices of pumpkin pie, and Raleys for your already cooked Turkey breasts. I will be thankful tomorrow.
5. I will especially be thankful tomorrow because I get to spend it with the men I love: Paul Dano, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Lukas Haas, Ryan Gosling, and Emile Hirsch. Rented Half Nelson, Brick, and Gigantic. Own Into the Wild. Damn I’m pathetic.
6. The dumb but sweet girl who works at the gym talked to me today. Poor young thing has a boyfriend with a 5 year old kid from a previous marriage. Yeesh. I’d like to straighten that girl out. But I am grateful that she’s employed.
7. Intense workout—perhaps too intense, but I’ll live.
8. Watched Glee during my workout!
9. Saw an interesting boy working out who also keeps track of his reps and weight. No one else there does that I see. This guy was kind of cute, too. Hmmm…
10. No work or school again tomorrow!!!! Movies! Food! Rest!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
New Years Resolution
This is actually a New Years Resolution, and will be my next challenge, but I’ve decided to not QUIT chocolate, but challenge myself to not eat any form of chocolate for several months. I haven’t yet decided the actual timeframe that I will challenge myself, but I won’t begin the clock until after I get back from my New Years extravaganza. Maybe I’ll choose 1 full semester of no chocolate. That’s a good, solid amount of time that has a clear beginning and end. Yeah. I like that. It’ll be hard, but I need to get control of this addiction. Just not right now. I would be insane to think I could do it now, in the midst of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. HA! But, in 2010, there will be a long vacation from it, and hopefully a new respect will be gained.
10/25
1. Slept in until 8:30
2. My bangs looked really good
3. Found $3.00 in my bedroom
4. Got a lot of homework done
5. Had a really great workout
6. Went to dinner with my mom
7. Found a reasonably healthy choice on a very unhealthy menu.
8. Watched a weird movie
9. Fell in love with Paul Dano (again)
10. Received the sweetest e-mail from a friend who was thinking of me
Tough today
It was tougher to be positive at the beginning of the day because all of the kids I work with were saying very negative things about my new hair, but without further ado, positivity:
1. Saw Mason Jar in the AM
2. Got my packages mailed
3. Heard Van Halen’s “Want One” on the Radio
4. Got to be “DJ” in PE
5. Am adored by an eighth grade boy who is so unique and brilliant that it’s an honor that he reveres me.
6. Never felt hungry, never over-ate
7. Found a dollar and bought a soda
8. Watched a really cool doc in my credential class called “King Gimp.”
9. Ryan and Alex made me happy.
10. Alex and I drew a totally amazing picture together in another one of my credential classes.
10/27
The morning was easy, but later in the day it got harder to be positive due to stress.
1. I received a hug from a special needs student, and I believe he was signing “I love you” to me.
2. Another student came up to me to report about another student, “You know Miles is flirting with you.” It was cute.
3. Received an E-mail from the only man in my sphere whom I find worth pursuing.
4. Received a compliment about my outfit from an unlikely source.
5. Good hair day (despite the raging wind and continual negativity from others to the color change)
6. $25.00 one way fares on Southwest
7. Another boy with special needs drew me the sweetest pictures!
8. My skin looked better today.
9. I received a sweet compliment from a classmate.
10. Had a super awesome run at the gym.
10/28
Continuing to be hard, but seeing the benefits already
1. Found $5.00 on the ground (what’s with me finding money?!)
2. Bought a coffee with that $5.00
3. Brennan was adorable
4. Skin continuing to improve
5. I’m someone’s Rushmore
6. Ate a lot of sugar and didn’t worry about it.
7. Had a good conversation with my professor
8. Found a good parking spot
9. Commiserated with a colleague
10. Wasn’t bothered too much in class
10/29
1. Good Hair day
2. Good outfit day
3. Skin still sort of improving
4. My shoes don’t hurt my feet as much as when I first bought them
5. Checked out a book on Chagall
6. A sweet boy drew a picture of a Moogle for me
7. Brennan asked after I hiccupped, “Hiccups?”
8. Figured out most of my Christmas presents
9. Got some homework done
10. Good run
10/30
1. Kept my cool in a not-so-cool situation.
2. When Brennan asked when I would return to a class, and I said not until next term, he said, “Oh. My. Lord.”
3. Skin still improving.
4. My hair is looking awesome (even though one kid still says I look scary)
5. Good day working in PE—felt I accomplished a lot.
6. Remained a professional through a second tough situation.
7. Got a lot of homework done.
8. Project Runway (although my boy Logan is gone)
9. The Misadventures of Flapjack!
10. Had a good run considering I was pretty pooped already.
10/31
1. Woke up motivated to CLEAN!
2. Organized my closet
3. Cole Hamels
4. Mario Party 8
5. Slept in until 8:00
6. Had the house to myself
7. Had a good run
8. Made my mom happy
9. Skin on the up and up!
10. It’s Halloween!
11/01
I didn’t take notes this day, so it may be difficult to remember 10…
1. It’s November!
2. Only two months left of this semester, and half of those are vacation time!
3. Good run, good post-workout smoothie.
4. 5 2 L diet Cherry Dr. Pepper for $5.00.
5. Made super-yummy pasta
6. Got a huge chunk of homework done!
7. Felt fully at ease for the first time in a long time.
8. Skin is getting ridiculously better. With less stress comes happier skin.
9. Found out no class on Monday!
10. DAYLIGHT SAVINGS BABY!
11/02
1. Good outfit today
2. Successfully ignored those who I wanted to ignore
3. Skin getting better still.
4. Well-rested
5. Worked out even though I wasn’t completely “feeling it.”
6. Got my paper written well enough.
7. Chase Utley
8. Arranged successfully my day off for Wednesday
9. No school today!
10. Phillies win—World Series will continue!
11/03
1. Skin is almost back to normal.
2. Bought some fudgecicles
3. Almost have my work-life organized and in control.
4. Received the Anthropologie catalogue today.
5. The science teacher is fun to look at
6. Paul fucking Dano
7. Being asked if I’m a student by high school kids at a high school. Yes! I look 10 years younger than my actual age!
8. Miles reassuring me that our relationship is strictly platonic. So cute!
9. Found a good parking spot!
10. Wasn’t TOO miserable in my class.
11/04
1. Played hooky. Soooo bad.
2. Baked and baked and baked. All healthy.
3. Finished all the homework for one class.
4. Took control of everything.
5. Got to watch some “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” episodes
6. Ran off all the excess calories I consumed in my weak moment yesterday.
7. Put some books up for sale—one already sold.
8. Had interesting dreams.
9. Felt overall better in general.
10. Watched the World Series (or watching. Hoping it’ll go to game 7)
11/05
1. “Is that a teacher?”
2. Good workout
3. Talked on the phone with my sister for 3 hours
4. E-mailed a teacher to help with an assignment
5. A friend posted funny old pictures of me on Facebook.
6. Made a HUGE sale on Half.com
7. Skin
8. My muffins are terrific. Almost too good.
9. Egg in a mug.
10. Alley-cat.
11/06
1. AM conversation with my Max Fischer.
2. The kids taunting Max while walking, “Even in the morning?”
3. Early duck out to see a movie
4. Project Runway—the right three were chosen.
5. Running at Gold’s Gym to Harry Potter.
6. Totally in control of my food intake again.
7. Skin
8. Although my alarm failed to go off, I still managed to wake up in time for work.
9. Did some tough-love for a student, and I think it paid off.
10. Work-life = in control.
11/07
1. Got CPR certified—I will save a life in these two years.
2. Unabashedly flirted with a fella, just to challenge myself. Way too young for me, but it’s good to know I’ve still got it.
3. Took a nap.
4. Input some important nutrition data.
5. Did some great weight training.
6. Had a good run
7. Random kitty at my house-gave it a good pet-named it Mozzy.
8. Made a super yummy smoothie after my workout
9. Discovered my car insurance is way less money a month than I thought.
10. Ate two oreos, my favorite food in the entire world. I sure wish they didn’t make me fat or I’d eat them everyday all day.
11/08
1. Slept in until 8:00
2. Had a great workout
3. Watched SNL, and Taylor Swift didn’t make me want to kill myself.
4. Watched “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and laughed myself silly.
5. Took a little nap.
6. Mashed Sweet Potatoes. Oh my yum.
7. Egg, spinach, garlic, swiss cheese, and Avocado. Does it get better than that?
8. Realized my homework assignments were lame and vowed to do them last minute (no I do not have a procrastination goal).
9. Painted my nails pink.
10. Used my nutrition/workout software again—finally.
11/09
1. Hiccups?
2. Got my homework DONE!
3. Got my important mail mailed.
4. Good mood generally all day looooooong.
5. Pretty good hair day.
6. Stuck to my diet pretty successfully.
7. B.B.
8. He e-mailed me back.
9. I think he likes me.
10. I think he’s on the verge of asking me out.
11/10
Not the best day today…not sure why. 10 things will be tough.
1. E-mailed B.B. back.
2. Good hair day.
3. Green Tea = yumfest
4. Miles made me smile, despite myself
5. First month of B.C. done, so hormones should be calming down, skin should be returning to normal.
6. Great fall weather day.
7. Pretty decent class
8. Met with my professor after class and had a good one-on-one session.
9. Ate some meatloaf, despite the diet. It’s okay.
10. Read my Lucky magazine.
11/11
1. Veterans Day—day OFF!!
2. Really really really good workout
3. Matt Damon in Oceans 11. Thank you.
4. Skin better than yesterday.
5. Amazon.com processed my return. Wow.
6. Trader Joes prices.
7. The Smiths
8. Not doing much of anything, and that being alright.
9. Bridget Jones Diary
10. Glee!
11/12
1. Brennan.
2. Chocolate Covered Pretzels
3. Urban Outfitters catalog
4. Smiles for Miles
5. Self-determination
6. Lunch in my car
7. Random pop-dance-tunes to run to and laugh at
8. Chocolate covered booze cherries
9. Working out and then realizing I have a little more left in me, and using it.
10. The Misadventures of Flapjack!
oh! and 11. Amazon.com already processed my return and gave me my money, so I must add that!! They are the fastest best company of all time. I won’t starve this month thanks to them and their efficiency.
11/13
1. I played hooky again. Oops!
2. I probably had the best workout of my life.
3. Workout helped in part by Kings of Leon for their Uber-sexy “Use Somebody” video. Yowza!
4. 4 hour-long conversation with the sister.
5. Sister WILL be here for Christmas, and she WILL be taking me back with her for New Years! Party in San Diego!
6. Found an old tape I made with movie lines on it. Hilarious.
7. Did I mention my awesome workout? What about the chocolate covered cherries with booze in’em? There we go. That’s 7.
8. Watched Project Runway today.
9. Organized my bathroom.
10. It’s FRIDAY!!!!
11/14
1. Oh my. A pint of Phish Food. Oh my.
2. Early to bed and naptime.
3. Great workout.
4. Mongolian BBQ.
5. Thought of a potential Plan B for one of my goals.
6. Looking forward to tomorrow.
7. Selling some more stuff.
8. Skin better than expected.
9. Made some great spreadsheets.
10. I saw an OWL!!!
11/15
First of all, let me preface by saying, “What a great day!”
1. Woke up pumped for my 41 day challenge. I accomplished every mini-goal in that big goal for today.
2. SNL was especially hilarious. I laughed out loud several times. Kristen Wiig and Jason Sudekis are geniuses of comedy.
3. Saw a hot guy at the gym for once—if I see him again, I will smile at him.
4. “Hands off!” was a pretty big success.
5. Got my paper written, last minute, just like I wanted.
6. Sold some more stuff via Ebay, and I will be getting those Dolce Vita boots once the money is deposited through paypal!!!
7. My sister got me my plane ticket home for after my trip to San Diego for New Years!!!
8. Planned out this week’s outfits, and I have some really good looks in the rotation this week! I’m excited!
9. Baked a frittata, made some pasta all in preparation for lunches this week. Frugal and stress-free!
10. I dunno—I just feel really effing GREAT!! Hope this lasts!
11/16
1. Made another sale! I’m halfway to my Dolce Vita boots!
2. My private goals are going smashingly!
3. Felt really good this morning. I seem to be back to the usual, old me!
4. Went braless—so liberating.
5. Mr. Hart is hot (but kind of a dick)
6. Had a really cool workout right after work where I went from work, to gym, to the shower, to school. It was an experience.
7. I love seeing all of the other powerful women at the gym. They help reinforce my goals. Go get’em ladies.
8. Totally in control—of everything! Or so it seems.
9. Great workout playlist.
10. Doodling in class and getting completely lost in them.
11/17
1. Brennan’s art got picked for the art show!
2. My skin is about 80% back to normal!!!!!! Woo hoo!
3. Smiles for Miles
4. I don’t hate everyone in my class anymore. :)
5. Great run!
6. Right on target with my schoolwork.
7. I am eligible to transfer to San Diego State next year if I so choose…hmmm.
8. Decision made to coach softball—I think.
9. No early class tomorrow!
10. Only 5 more workdays/2 more schooldays until Thanksgiving break. Woo HOO!!!!!!!!!
11/18
It was actually a pretty bad day considering some of the bad stuff that happened, and yet at the end of it I’m still smiling and positive. Wow. That’s quite a change in me.
1. Sleep in/slow down for Wednesday late start.
2. Hair/outfit/makeup looked awesome!
3. Came a little bit closer to deciding about my transfer situation to SDSU—definitely at this point am going to at least apply.
4. Smiled a lot (for most of the day)
5. At the one chunk of my day that I let stress temporarily bring me down, Miles told me that he has a girlfriend now. Woo hoo! Go Miles!
6. Thought up a really cool idea for my final project for one of my classes—now if I can just pull it off…
7. Finished a paper for a different class.
8. My friend made me a mix-tape.
9. That same friend invited me to Thanksgiving with his family, and although I probably won’t be able to go because it will offend my mom too much, the gesture was lovely.
10. I saw a falling star and frantically wished upon it.
11/19
1. Cool hairstyle today.
2. Skin = more awesome
3. Back to the gym!
4. Resisted the evil doughnuts.
5. That bad situation wasn’t that bad—yet.
6. Only one more day of school and 3 more days of work until vacation!
7. Went up in weight for bench press. I’m getting stronger!
8. Got some good work done at the library with my partner for the assignment. Go responsibility!
9. Miles in the writing club.
10. Season finale Project Runway!
11/20
1. Chose to ignore an e-mail that would have undoubtedly caused stress.
2. Choice of professional, yet unique outfit for my job evaluation.
3. Sitting in the office of the Vice Principal like a kid in trouble before my evaluation.
4. Not worrying at all about the evaluation—“I’m not too worried about it.”
5. Good evaluation = permanent status.
6. The bad situation, and ignored e-mail from earlier, turned out okay. ALL behind me now.
7. Mason was a sweetheart.
8. Was cold and tired when I came home, so took a two-hour nap.
9. Glee and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
10. It’s FRIDAY!!!!!
11/21
1. Sleeping. Lots of sleeping.
2. Great workout.
3. Expert grocery shopping.
4. Yummy cereal with banana.
5. Lazy day.
6. Sandlot.
7. South Park.
8. Diet Dr. Pepper
9. Kings of Leon videos (Caleb Followill)
10. It’s the weekend.
11/22
1. Usual Sunday AM routine of SNL and coffee—only today it featured Joseph Gordon Levitt! Love him!
2. Met and exceeded all of my mini-goals for the week.
3. At the gym, Pearl Jam’s Jeremy came on just at a peak moment in my running and made my workout that much more intense.
4. Did most of my homework at the library!
5. Saw a beautiful Hawk while at my school. It was just there and not afraid. It was amazing.
6. Got a speeding ticket on my way home—I know I’m not supposed to be grateful for the ticket, and I’m not, but I am grateful that there are police that keep us safe. I screwed up, not the copper.
7. Talked to my daddy on the phone.
8. Watched “In the Bedroom” with cutie-pie Nick Stahl. Tom Wilkinson and Sissy Spacek did such an amazing acting job. Wow.
9. Sugar-free Hot Cocoa
10. Short, two-day week ahead of me!
11/23
Only a couple more of these left, and I’ll complete my month. I’ve decided to make my last entry on Thanksgiving. I’ll be sad to see this goal completed. I’ve really enjoyed this exercise.
1. Bought items to help with my private goals. Needed help with some control issues.
2. No school!!!
3. Halfway done with the work-week.
4. No awkwardness at work yet after my announcement that I could not be an assistant coach. We’ll see if anything happens tomorrow.
5. Brennan gets more and more adorable every day. If I miss anything from this year’s experience doing the work I do it will be him.
6. And Miles. Miles and Brennan I am grateful for. I will do all I can to keep tabs on them throughout their school careers.
7. Good workout. Even if it wasn’t as intense as yesterday.
8. The Big Bang Theory and House.
9. My money was deposited! Woo hoo! I can eat again!
10. Peppermint tea with a dash of vanilla extract. Yum yum in my tum tum.
11/24
1. Ate too much sweet stuff. Or was it?
2. Got my homework all done in time for vacation!
3. Last day of work/school before vacation!
4. Brennan was so adorable and sweet and innocent today that I actually teared up. Having autism, he had no idea.
5. Got to duck out early at work, which made everything a lot cooler.
6. Mr. Hart is fucking hot. I’m sorry. But he is. Hot. Really hot. Damn marriage and its farce of an institution!
7. No workout today :( but I’m grateful that I can give my body the rest that it SUPPOSEDLY needs, and make that time productive in other ways.
8. Shots of whipped cream from a can when no one’s looking.
9. Although everyone was exponentially getting on my nerves in class tonight, it was a good class. I learned quite a bit for once.
10. Did I mention the cookies? COOKIES!!!!! I love them.